Cry Me a River

I have lost the habit of being loved. Maybe not really. Getting away from home again for the second time is all-the-more difficult for me as this is easily not the greatest of feelings. Especially, after visiting home in a year. But people say, life moves on. For me, it’s simply difficult. I have been through a lot lately. Things aren’t the way I’d expected. There is something called love that’s taking the toll on me. And no questions asked; no reasons explained. Maybe this is the paradox with love!

Why is it that people who love each other so much have to be parted eventually? Is this some kind of a f*****’ rule? Why doesn’t love take precedence over social dogma? Makes me feel so sick! Isn’t it a f*****’ crime to keep two people who love away from each other physically and emotionally? But, life moves on! I had always thought that love knew no boundaries, love knew no distance, and love knew no obstacles, but I have learnt that that love is even beyond all this- love knows nothing!

I have had the better half of the waiting times to get some good moments in my life. Some moments which are easily the most beautiful didn’t come by as easily as they would have. I had to actually wait to win those moments, and when the moment arrived, it was inexpressible. I guess I have become used to such situations wherein the wait was worthwhile, while in this case the wait brought me immense pain and discomfort. I sometimes feel that I have lost the reason to live. The very penchant for life is missing. The worst part is the misunderstanding. I must confess, no relationship is genuine without some petty quarrels. And that’s what makes a relationship stronger than before. It must not be misunderstood or misrepresented as ‘the very sickening’ “break-up”! Please.

Is really everything that happens, happens for good? I do not know yet, but all I know is that whatever happens is practical and has never been anticipated earlier. Sometimes, never even thought of! Maybe that’s why it is convenient to hide the pain in the pretext of “happens for (f*****’) good!” And ya, you think life moves on? Ask me. These entire thoughts gush through my mind while I am far away from home sitting at Gate 52 of Terminal 1 of the London Heathrow Airport awaiting my connecting flight to Chicago and watching the news of hurricane Ike ripping across Texas. Feels like something has ripped through my heart, too. It’s not all about me, it’s about us.

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